it's my birthday.
I love my husband. I love my children. I love most of my family. Okay, all. I like most of my family.
I'm getting some more sleep, as my little guy learns how to distinguish day from night.
It's all going by so quickly.
It was yesterday that I was 16. Now I'm 36. Will it be tomorrow that I am 56?
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
new year
I feel as if my life is dishes, vacuuming and laundry. With a smattering of screaming children and guilt. It will never be enough, no matter how hard I try, and there will always be someone and something that is better. My kids are happy, my husband is loyal and I have to realize that THAT is success. But sometimes it feels as if the cat that has lost track of her litter box and is shitting in the basement wherever she wants is a giant failure.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
visualization
Does visualization work? I guess it can't hurt.
I can picture a bigger house with two floors of usable space. I see my little boys each having their own room. I see a bathroom between them that they can sneak through to hang out at night. I see the master suite with a killer view, a walk-in closet and a separate bathroom with a great, deep bathtub. I see an office for me and a playroom for my children. I see a kitchen with an island and lots of new, clean appliances. I see a maid cleaning my bathrooms, kitchen and everything else I put on a little list every day. (I also see myself paying this person very well and tipping on the holidays) I see a mixture of hardwood floors and carpet, and they are always cleaned of pet hair. I see a big fenced-in backyard with a separate spot for the dogs to run (and poop) I see us on the end of a cul-de-sac, with almost no traffic and a perfect place for learning how to ride a bike.
Now for the money...
I can picture a bigger house with two floors of usable space. I see my little boys each having their own room. I see a bathroom between them that they can sneak through to hang out at night. I see the master suite with a killer view, a walk-in closet and a separate bathroom with a great, deep bathtub. I see an office for me and a playroom for my children. I see a kitchen with an island and lots of new, clean appliances. I see a maid cleaning my bathrooms, kitchen and everything else I put on a little list every day. (I also see myself paying this person very well and tipping on the holidays) I see a mixture of hardwood floors and carpet, and they are always cleaned of pet hair. I see a big fenced-in backyard with a separate spot for the dogs to run (and poop) I see us on the end of a cul-de-sac, with almost no traffic and a perfect place for learning how to ride a bike.
Now for the money...
Thursday, December 30, 2010
1:18 on a Wednesday
Baby's asleep
Daddy's asnoring
Toddler's acurled
Mommy's on the freaking computer again.
"Sleep when they sleep!"
"Don't get into a bad sleep cycle!"
"It'll be fine!"
"Don't worry, it will pass!"
My brain races while my body persists.
My body persists while my fingers twitch.
My fingers twitch while my eyes tire.
My eyes tire, but they just won't rest.
Will I ever sleep a full night again? Popular culture tells me no. My mother tells me yes. My husband tells me please! My instinct tells me that I have to take care of myself so that I can take care of these little ones, but how?
I'm a new Mommy with a lot of available support. I have a great husband and two beautiful baby boys. I have a great job, and flexibility to work exactly when I want to. Financially, we are struggling, but we have everything we need when we really need it. So why am I so depressed?
Daddy's asnoring
Toddler's acurled
Mommy's on the freaking computer again.
"Sleep when they sleep!"
"Don't get into a bad sleep cycle!"
"It'll be fine!"
"Don't worry, it will pass!"
My brain races while my body persists.
My body persists while my fingers twitch.
My fingers twitch while my eyes tire.
My eyes tire, but they just won't rest.
Will I ever sleep a full night again? Popular culture tells me no. My mother tells me yes. My husband tells me please! My instinct tells me that I have to take care of myself so that I can take care of these little ones, but how?
I'm a new Mommy with a lot of available support. I have a great husband and two beautiful baby boys. I have a great job, and flexibility to work exactly when I want to. Financially, we are struggling, but we have everything we need when we really need it. So why am I so depressed?
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